What if Happiness is a Choice?

Happiness is often perceived as something external, something that happens to us when circumstances align, when life is good, when we are free of suffering. But what if happiness is not an event, not a lucky coincidence, but an inner state, a practice, a cultivated way of being? What if true contentment is not found in avoiding discomfort but in learning how to live within it without losing our capacity to see beauty, to feel joy, and to remain hopeful?

Life is not fair. It never was, and it never will be. Challenges are woven into the very fabric of existence. We all carry traumas. We all have deeply ingrained belief systems that shape the way we see the world and ourselves. Some of these beliefs empower us, but many of them hold us back, disconnecting us from the present moment, from our ability to feel gratitude, and from the simple joys that are always available, if only we knew how to see them.

The good news is that we can learn. We can rewire our perception, train our minds, and reshape our responses to life’s inevitable ups and downs. This is not about pretending everything is fine when it isn’t, nor is it about suppressing pain or forcing positivity. Instead, it is about building an inner resilience, a deep and unwavering ability to stay open, present, and engaged with life, even in difficulty.

I know this because I have lived it.

For much of my life, I struggled with trust. My childhood wounds, including the deep trauma of sexual abuse, shaped the way I saw the world. Without realizing it, I carried a vibration, an energetic imprint that kept attracting people and situations that mirrored this wound, betrayal, broken trust, abandonment. I felt as though life was unfairly targeting me, forcing me to relive my deepest pain over and over again.

I would ask myself: Why does this keep happening? Why do people I trust betray me? I felt like a victim of my circumstances, caught in a pattern I could not escape. But as time passed, and as I began to turn my attention inward, I saw something I had never seen before. These betrayals were not punishments. They were invitations.

Life was not trying to break me, it was trying to wake me up. It was showing me, again and again, the places within myself that still needed healing. My higher self was leading me to reclaim my power, to learn how to trust, not others, but myself. Each painful moment was an opportunity to set boundaries, to say no when I meant no, to choose relationships that honored me, to stop abandoning myself in order to be loved.

Even now, the fear of betrayal still whispers in the background. Some wounds run deep. But today, I do not fear them in the same way. When that old fear rises, I pause. I recognize it. I thank it for trying to protect me. And then, I choose differently.

This is the essence of true freedom, the ability to stand in the middle of life’s storms and say, I am here. I am choosing to trust myself. I am choosing to see the beauty in this moment.

Here are steps to cultivate this way of being, a process of choosing happiness, gratitude, and contentment regardless of what life brings.

Step 1: Acknowledge Yourself - Understand Your Belief Systems and Core Wounds

Everything begins with self-awareness. Without knowing what drives us, we remain prisoners of our unconscious patterns, reacting instead of choosing. Take time to ask yourself:
• What are the core beliefs I hold about life, love, and happiness?
• What do I believe about suffering? About success? About myself?
• When did these beliefs form? Who influenced them?
• Do they serve me, or do they limit my ability to experience joy?

Many of our core beliefs are shaped by childhood experiences and past wounds. Some of them protect us, but many act as invisible barriers that prevent us from fully embracing life. Therapy, deep self-inquiry, and guided practices can help in this process. Consider seeking support from a skilled facilitator, psychologist, or teacher who can help you see yourself with more clarity.

Exercise: Identifying Limiting Beliefs
1. Write down three core beliefs you have about happiness.
2. Ask yourself: Are these beliefs true? How do they shape my experience of life?
3. Imagine what your life would feel like if you did not hold these beliefs. What would change?

Step 2: Recognize Your Triggers and Automatic Responses

Trauma shapes perception. When we experience a wound, especially in childhood, our nervous system creates a defense mechanism to protect us. These responses, whether fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, become automatic, activated whenever we feel threatened. Often, we react in ways that no longer serve us because our nervous system is still responding as if we are in past danger.

For years, I was caught in an unconscious loop, attracting betrayal, feeling the pain of it, retreating into distrust, and yet, somehow, encountering the same wounds again. It was only when I learned to pause and witness my reaction that I could begin to change it.

The key to emotional freedom is recognizing these patterns in real-time. Catch yourself when you are triggered. Instead of reacting, take a breath. Observe what is happening in your body and mind. Then, consciously choose how to respond.

Exercise: Creating Space Between Trigger and Response
1. Think of a recent situation that triggered you. Write down your automatic reaction.
2. Pause. Breathe deeply. Imagine responding differently—what would a conscious, intentional response look like?
3. Next time you are in a difficult situation, practice pausing before reacting. This moment of awareness is where true change begins.

Step 3: Develop Emotional Resilience—Find Freedom in Choosing Your Response

True freedom is not about controlling life; it’s about choosing how we respond to it. Whether it’s betrayal, disappointment, loss, or injustice, our inner state is ours to shape.

Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and psychologist, wrote:

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Practice: Shifting Perspective in Difficult Moments
1. The next time you face a challenge, instead of resisting it, ask: What is this moment teaching me? What is the hidden gift?
2. Write down three things you can learn from discomfort.
3. When you catch yourself resisting pain, place a hand on your heart and take three slow, deep breaths. Say to yourself: This too is part of life. I can choose how to meet it.

Step 4: Cultivate Joy and Gratitude Daily

Even in the midst of deep wounds, there is always beauty. The laughter of a child. The warmth of the sun. The simple act of breathing. Learning to see these things, even when life is difficult, is a radical act of healing.

Daily Practice: The 3x3 Gratitude Method
1. Every morning, write down three things you are grateful for.
2. Every evening, recall three moments of the day that brought you contentment.
3. Make this a habit. Over time, your mind will naturally start noticing beauty more often.

Final Step: Commit to the Journey of Inner Freedom

Happiness is not a final destination. It is a lifelong practice, a commitment to choosing love over fear, presence over distraction, and gratitude over resentment. Each day, you have the power to shape your experience, not by controlling life, but by shifting how you meet it.

I am still walking this path. I still catch myself fearing betrayal. But now, I meet that fear with compassion. With love. With the quiet knowing that no matter what happens around me, I am safe within myself.

This is the greatest freedom of all.

Are you ready to choose?